Home Burial

I haven't written anything for a while, I know. I apologize for that, but we just had our baby and, unfortunately, he was stillborn. It's been a little rough. However, I though I might touch on home burial.

Home burial is something that is allowed in our state. It's not something that I'd ever really thought about, one way or the other, but I gotta say, there is something to be said for it. On the practical side, it's not too awfully expensive. On the emotional side, there was something.......I don't know, ...satisfying? about digging the grave ourselves and burying him with just family here. There was nothing formal, if someone wanted to say something, they did. If anyone wanted to put something in the grave, they did. It's kind of like it's the only thing we'll ever be able to do for him and who doesn't want to do nice things for their kids?

In a weird way, it's rather nice to 'have' him here, too. Oldest child likes to go up and talk to him often. I think it helps her to grieve. That's something that would be a lot harder if he was in a public cemetery that we had to drive to. It's also been beneficial to my husband to be able to work on this. It makes you feel so helpless and awful to birth a stillborn. Parents are supposed to be able to protect their children and yet, you can't always. In that situation, you never even get a chance. So, again I guess, this is the only thing we can do for him to show how much we love him. He may not ever know, but we can at least get to express it in some way.

I know this isn't the most coherent of posts, but hopefully I'll get back to 'normal' soon and be back to writing sanely again.